Saturday, February 13, 2010 | By: Taffy

Amusing Opening Lines

I enjoyed LTUE @ BYU Thursday and Friday. I'll write more later. For now, enjoy these winners from the Bulwer-Lytton Contest for the worst opening sentences of a novel:

"The sleeping woman grunted and turned over onto her side: 'At the snoring's stopped,' mused Nigel, 'but why am I so attractive to these hogs?'"

"In these uncertain times, one must think of others' viewpoints and always remember that a crowded elevator smells different to a midget."

"What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old manatee that died?"

"The dark can be scary, thought Todd, if you're young, impressionable, intoxicated, out of gas, naked and forced to sit on vinyl seats."

2 comments:

Kimi said...

Love these!

The second one reminds me of when we were navigating the crowd of thousands at closing time at Disneyworld. The toddler next to us kept standing up in his stroller, while his mother kept telling him to sit down. Finally, in his little British accent, he cried, "But Muuum! It smells like BUTT down here!"

Taffy said...

Kimi! That is awesome!