Here is a short piece of a post from Chuck Palahniuk on 'thought verbs.'
The piece got me thinking about how I'm a lazy writer. I want to change that.
Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a
paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll
rail against those, later) In a way, they state the intention of the
paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
For example:
“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from
the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery
was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a
mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her
neighbor…”
Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it
after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your
story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and
details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and
knowing. And loving and hating.
Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa
hated Tom.”
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail. Present each piece of evidence. For example:
“During role call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in
that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would
whisper-shout: ‘Butt Wipe,” just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving
their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your
audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very
little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or
worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take..”
A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by
at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all
the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No
doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the
line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was
going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up
drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic
accident…”
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you
can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs
forget and
remember.
No more transitions such as: “Wanda remember how Nelson used to brush her hair.”
Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”
Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them
together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show
their thoughts. You -- stay out of their heads.
